when you realize there is nothing to say

I know my hearing is bad. Too many summer afternoons grinding paint off of houses, and too many years sitting in the ocean on my board with the wind howling in my ears. And there is the age thing happening to me.

The good news is I am finally starting to listen. Back when I thought I knew everything, I used to only listen to my own voice. Eventually the sound of other voices started to come through, but I still just talked back at them, having only half-listened. Now that I realize how little I know about anything, I am trying to pay attention.

The hardest part about listening for me is turning off my inner voice. I have to consciously stop my own mental chatter to focus on the person speaking. I actually try to picture an open space in my mind for the other voice. Even then, if I don’t occasionally get a question in, I can drift off. Listening is hard work.

I love technology, but I am worried about the impact on listening. The myth of multitasking combined with our ever-communicating phones leaves no space for listening. Talking to someone with their eyes fixed on a screen just doesn’t work. You can see they hear you, but their eyes tell you they are not really listening. I am not worried about pragmatic listening. I know it can impact attention spans at school, cause you to not follow directions, get lost, or not pass the ketchup when asked. 

I worry about the kind of listening that helps people heal.The kind that follows a heavy quiet. The kind where empathy blocks out everything but the other voice. The listening that happens once you realize there’s nothing to say. 

There is something about being listened to that brings peace. It might be knowing that another person cares. It might be the way saying something out loud makes it manageable. It might be the way listening echoes your own voice. It might be the comfort of sharing something too heavy to carry alone. 

My hearing problem has a simple solution: hearing aids. I am not sure how to improve our listening, but it seems like something we should consider. We could all use more space, more uncluttered time, to really listen to each other.

I think that would help with things.

Peace,

Chris

be well, be kind, find joy in your work