Listening to Time

I love the clean organization of a calendar: the seasonal picture, the bold title of the month, the consistency of the days of the week organizing the columns, and the predictable sequence of numbers in the upper right corner of each square. The structure is calming. But what I love most is the inviting emptiness of each square of time posing the question: How will you spend your day?

Time makes it possible for us to live individually and in community. Time marks when things begin and end. Time lets us enjoy shared experiences. Time offers a structure for balancing work, family and health.

So why is it that we often try to cheat time? Why do we use time to turn our living into racing? Why do we hear time telling us to hurry up? Why do we push against time by trying to fit too much into every empty box on our calendars?

Yesterday I went for my end-of-the-week run. My calendar told me I had forty minutes blocked off. Running is my self-care time. I love everything about running: the quiet that lets you hear your breathing, the burn of muscle that lets you feel your legs, and the mental challenge to keep going that empties your mind. Having a box of time set aside for running gives me permission to let everything go and just be.

I had one of those runs where you feel good enough to push hard up the hills, increase your turnover down the hills, and sustain your pace across the flats. At the halfway mark I looked down at my watch expecting to see a digital 20 and saw the number 17. I smiled – I was crushing it on a hot day. I was ahead of my pace – winning against myself. I began to make my turn, then it occurred to me that I had read my watch wrong. Time was not telling me I was winning. Time was telling me I could keep going. My effort had somehow given me extra time for running. I straightened out of my turn and ran the next hill – embracing the invitation to do nothing but keep running.

As the season changes and we prepare to flip over the calendar, I am going to try to listen more carefully to what time is really telling me. I am going to ignore my own racing voice, turn away from external voices calling for more of everything, and try to settle in and take the advice of time to simply enjoy whatever it is I have scheduled on my calendar.

Peace,

Chris